Well, well isn’t this extraordinary? In this unprecedented time of random cray, cray that we find ourselves in lately - this state of limbo/isolation, I have started to make some observations of myself and all those around me - I mean, let’s face it, I have had a lot of time to reflect.

Here we go:

1) I still don’t have time to do those things that I said “I will do it when I have more time” (like an extended period of rest-in-place/quarantine). Let me give an example - the shelf in our bedroom which has been looking like an ugly monster for well…quite frankly…a year perhaps, still looks heinously at me, begging for a tidy. Vik and I even got in a fight and I promised to do it. Oh dear…I still haven’t!

2) People actually aren’t being very nice! Well, ok, that’s an exaggeration which is not quite true for all mankind. There are glimmers of good through the pandemic haze, but also, some people are just acting like wankers! Take my time at Costco the other week for example - this was just prior to the lockdown status and I was determined to follow the crowds and get millions of supplies I didn’t really need. Costco was my third port of call to find canned goods and toilet paper. I didn’t think there would be any left as I’d read the reports, but, some part of me really wanted to try (though strictly, we didn’t really need it right away).

Anyway - there I was in Costco! I had to pop to the loo in the middle of my shop and was headed back down the store towards dairy and paper products when I saw people with carts coming towards me with…no way…could it be?….Kirkland brand toilet paper! I started to gain speed to a slow jog-hobble, on account of my dodgy knee, and then I saw that people headed the same way as me also got wind of the booty and started to quicken their pace. I knew the knee would slow me down… In front of me, carts coming by with two or three packets of toilet paper on them. By the way folks, that is 90 rolls of toilet paper! 90! Are you kidding me? I look at the cart-pushers, they won’t make eye contact, they are resolute. They know they are in the wrong but forward they go. Some of them have huge arses I note…but does that explain the need for 90 rolls!!!! NO WAY. I stagger forward and when I reach the area I know I am too late. Deflated, I circle around, just to make sure! There are none left. On my lap of sadness, I come across a crazy old lady wearing a mask and a down coat, she pushes past me, panting… I find the nearest Costco employee. Crazy lady is already there sobbing from behind her mask. I ask “Hi there, I thought I saw some folks with toilet paper in their carts?” He says, “Yeah, I guess they found a palette and they put it out, but it all got snatched up pretty quickly” (I calculated it was gone in about 1 minute). Meanwhile, Crazy Lady is putting on a show of amateur dramatics, whimpering and wailing: “When will you be getting more…?” whimper, gasp, whimper…”Tomorrow?” whimper…. I look at her and walk away. She was crying over toilet paper, meanwhile the hoarders stood in the check-out line knowingly. Bastards. That just isn’t right.

3) Now, more than ever, I still want to become a nurse even though it likely won’t happen because it’s infinitely impractical and expensive to go to Nursing School for 18 months, plus I still have more pre-recs PLUS I still have my dodgy knee to get fixed…plus…plus… but, sigh, when I see them begging for nurses on the television, a little pang emerges. This was the very thing I wanted to become a nurse for - to be helpful and useful and necessary.

4) Daughter number 4 can stonewall better than most grown adults. It’s a brilliant ‘stay home/ isolation/family argument avoidance tactic. There will be things going on and noises and raised voice, perhaps a door slam and I will say to her…”Don’t you agree?” and she will look confused and say “Oh, sorry my ear-pods were in”…

She is redeemed only because it turns out she is a superb cook…butter chicken curry, vegan oatmeal and raisin cookies (they sound horrid but are quite the best I have ever had!!!) and banana bread to name but a few! She will announce after every creation, “I think I’ve outdone myself this time” and believe me, every time, she has!

5) Zoom meeting is our new best friend! Of course I’ve used it before for ‘actual’ work but now it’s like, an every day thing.

We’ve had Zoom Yoga, Zoom Family Dress Up Friday, Zoom Cocktail Hour, Zoom Sunday Brunch (that lasted so long and we all got a bit trashed)…Zoom, zoom and zoom! We love it so much we wanted to buy shares but Gina from Wells Fargo says too late - the Zoom ship has sailed…

6) Vik actually dresses in full clothes and make-up for conference calls! I have never seen anything like it. She is dressed and in her seat (outside or in depending on whether I have a call or not) with 2 minutes to spare and is there smiling, ready to dazzle all with the camera setting on! Meanwhile, I am in yoga pants (likely no knickers - sorry…TMI) a t-shirt and terrible hair and no make-up whatsoever! The camera is NEVER on for work calls! Sorry folks! Only when Zooming, you may find that I am wearing a little something other than a t-shirt on top but always sweats on bottom!!!

Actually, to be fair, Vik dresses every day, rain or shine, pandemic or none. It’s a terrific trait. She looks a million bucks most of the time! She has not let the side down during isolation.

7) If you have to quarantine, this house just isn’t such a bad place to quarantine in! We consider ourselves very lucky. We have outdoor places to sit for vitamin D, lovely local walks in the hood, no toddlers and 3 giant bottles of Grey Goose!

We are set and content for now and we are still together (thanks to ‘H’ our therapist who also Zooms!)

I think though that, at very least, I am am going to make it a point to put knickers on every day! I mean, it’s a small price to pay for decency’s sake, plus - I have to keep up the British standards!