Yes, it’s been ages! Well over a year - yikes!

What a roll I was on. I was a maniac (still am I think!) I became a Certified (certifiable?) Nurse Assistant through the Red Cross, started working at the weekends for a wonderful elderly couple, began to take the myriad of pre-recs required to apply to nursing school: Chemistry-check, Anatomy, Microbiology-check, beginning Algebra, Algebra 1 - check, Human Development 1 & 2 - check and then … Physiology…except that I can’t check that one can I, because, gasp, I did the un-thinkable, I withdrew from the class last week…in the middle of the semester! Uh - community college drop out!

Let me explain a bit about me. I have never withdrawn from anything ever! It’s just not in my DNA! I mean, I just stay in things till the end, or till I get dragged out. I guess my 15 year long marriage could be an example of this. I really should have thrown in the towel many years before but that was un-fathomable because I had started it, so therefore had to continue, no matter what. So, I guess this was my mind-set whilst on my Florence roll. Nothing could stop me. I was a freight train of learning; an owner of colored pens, highlighters, flash-cards, over-priced text books, school parking permits, notebooks- everything.

And, I also totally over came some shit whilst ‘Florencing’. I mean, I got A’s and B’s for God’s sake, in science and math - unheard of for me. I was always the kid in school who was a ‘pleasure to have in class’ but was definitely remedial in those subjects. Numbers and formulas didn’t make sense at all back then. That is not to say that they made complete sense this time either, but my God did I just power through to make shit happen. During this reinvention time, I also managed to get a new, better-paying job in the old industry I’b been working in before the”event” of 2018. I was working by day, studying by night, working on weekends. Ask Vik how much fun I was?

I woke up one morning, unable to breathe and realized I was having a panic attack. I thought I was going to die. That morning I wrote to my Physio Prof explaining that it was all too much etc etc. I waited for his reply, for him to persuade me not to withdraw. He never responded. What a bastard. I mean, in retrospect, why the hell should he? You are leaving the class, but, at that moment, it cemented my decision to press “withdraw”. So I did. Relief, nausea, panic, shame and other dramatic emotions all hit me at the same time. I am still not quite sure what to make of it. Trying to work it all out.

So, this is where I am at now folks…a physiology drop out, over-worked, failed re-inventor, failed keto dieter….plus I am now 50! I just don’t get it. I can’t believe it! Add insult to injury why don’t you?

It’s all the f’s folks - fat, fifty, failure to Florence…

Think it’s time for a f’ing martini! Anyway, I am back and so is Vik and that is what matters for now.